Heidi and Spencer still suck

I barely know who these two people are, and I certainly never thought there'd be a reason to like them. Then I read this in In Touch magazine...

"The couple visited the Martin B. Retting store in Culver City, Calif., on June 7 and spent more than $10,000 on guns to arm themselves. They purchased two Benelli semiautomatic M4 tactical shotguns, two Wilson close quarter combat .45-caliber pistols and one Scout semiautomatic rifle. "They wanted the exact guns that the U.S. Delta Force uses," a friend explains. "Spencer wants to be prepared for anything."

It's pretty sweet that they are gun nuts, but what Spencer thinks he is "preparing for" is anyone's guess. God, these two really are a a pair of shitheads.

In other news, Letterman went all old-school Letterman and bitch slapped the dynamic duo when Spencer was the guest on 06.13.08...

Ass, Let Thee Be Healed!

Lead Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger in Hawaii with her boyfriend...

"Snakes On A Plane" Has a Logo

It's release date is drawing ever closer. Here is the official logo...

Wal-Mart Doesn't Care About Black People

Screw Wal-Mart, shop Target!

(Hint: Look at the item. Then, look at the "Similar Items." Yeah. Nice.)

Yama Hama!

It's Fright Night!

Will Ferrell Is My Hero

In case you weren't aware, Will Ferrell and Adam McKay--the people that brought you Anchorman--are currently shooting a film entitled High, Wide, and Handsome, which is about a Nascar driver named Ricky Bobby (the best name for a character since Arrested Development's Bob Loblaw). The always-great John C. Reilly is also in it, and Ali G costars as a driver sponsored by Perrier (damned brilliant).

When it is released, you will go.

Touching and Inspirational

This would be a good inspirational poster for home, the workplace...wherever.

Disturbing

You know how Joaquin Phoenix said to Nic Cage in 8MM, "There are some things you can't un-see"? Well, with that in mind, the following is one of the most disturbing things I have seen in some time. If you are a brave enough soul to click, then click away. Just remember, there are some things you can't un-see...

Carrot Top unleashed (yes, the Carrot Top)
Carrot Top or Triple H?

Are You Lookin' At Me?

Talking to Beverley Mitchell must be really hard because you won't really know which way she is looking.

Lousy T-Shirt

Hahaha.

I am not a Bush supporter, nor am I totally against him either. I voted for Kerry, but that was like deciding whether to die by drowning or by fire--both choices suck and you try to pick the one that will cause the least amount of suffering. Bottom line is, I think Bush has his good points and bad points. And while I think most of the blame for the Katrina disaster rests firmly on the shoulders of the local and state levels of government, Bush certainly did f'up with this one. Regardless of how you feel about him, however, that t-shirt is damned funny.

Too bad it's fake. Luckily, this one isn't.

Neither is this one.

Flowers and Sausages

If there is one thing that the wonderful show Wife Swap has taught us, it is this...

Life is not all flowers and sausages.

I believe it was Confuscius who said something very similar, but not nearly as profound or culture-spanning.

That is all.

Cat Got Your Tongue?

Um, no. A bug does, actually.



As you may or may not be aware, I like to indulge my scientific side from time to time. Well, right now is one of those times. Ergo...

A gross creature which gobbles up a fish's tongue and then replaces it with its own body has been found in Britain for the first time. The bug, which has the scientific name cymothoa exigua, was discovered inside the mouth of a red snapper bought from a London fishmonger. The 3.5cm creature had grabbed onto the fish's tongue and slowly ate away at it until only a stub was left. It then latched onto the stub and became the fish's "replacement tongue".

This is awesome and gross and amazing all at once. The rest of the story can be found here. And another pic of the bug is seen below. Neat!

Jack Osbourne?

In one of the most shocking turn of events of at least the past year, Jack Osbourne no longer looks like a potato. And all without the help of Celebrity Fat Club or getting his stomach stapled. Honestly, I didn't think it was possible to lose weight in this day and age without one of those methods, so good for Jack.

That's Not Gangsta

Let's recap what we know about one Mr. Hova, Jay-Z:

1) Is ugly
2) Makes good music
3) Is the lucky guy that gets to bang Beyonce

And now we can add to the list...

4) Likes fruity drinks

It's A Boy, Y'all!

Well, the two hilljacks had their baby.

Big whoop, says the Stallion. I'm just gonna keep feeding my scientific side, comparing and contrasting as many women as I possibly can until I find the perfect one (which I have a feeling will never happen...at least, let's hope not--haha!).

Hilary Duff Update

Well, it's worse than I initially thought.



Honestly, I figured the first two pictures (above) were fakes, then I found proof that they weren't (below).




Words cannot express how saddened I am by this, and not just for the superficial "because another hot one bites the dust" reason that I lamented in my earlier post. It's sad to see someone do this to themselves, sad that they feel they need to do this, and sad that they think they look better like this. The pictures speak for themselves, but let me just ad...R.I.P. this Duff.

Sean Penn: Idiot

By now, it's pretty common knowledge that Sean Penn is a humorless asshole (this year's Oscars is a good example). We also know he is a bleeding heart liberal who thinks that his status as an actor means his opinion matters and that he can make a difference. See: His visits to Iraq and et cetera. Anyway, with that in mind, our hero (along with his personal photographer--yeah, that sounds like someone whose only desire is to help) trekked down to New Orleans in order to help save folks. We haven't seen this kind of celebrity do-gooding since Tom Cruise, "Personally, personally helped get thousands of people off of drugs." Unfortunately for the fine people of New Orleans, things didn't go as planned.

What a jackass.

George Bush Doesn't Care About Black People

You tell 'em, Kanye!

Although, I have to say, if you couple Mike Myers' reaction (watch closely and you can actually pinpoint the exact moment where he starts thinking, "Why me?") with Kanye's hurried, nervous delivery, and topped off with Chris Tucker's being forced into some awkward riffing...the entire debacle hit a perfect 10 on the Unintentional Comedy Scale.

The best part was Kanye locking and loading his second shot, deciding, "F' any illusion of subtlety I may have had earlier, I'm gonna spell it out" and screaming, like a non-sequitur in comparison to Michael Myers' scripted comments, "George Bush doesn't care about black people!" I laughed out loud when I saw that.

Update: Buy the t-shirt here.

Snakes On A Plane!

Oh man, this is easily the best title for a movie ever. Just look at young Kenan (of SNL fame) there. Does the look on his face not say it all?

"Snakes on a motherfuckin' plane? Buh?!?"

I wish I was involved with this production in some way--writing, directing, starring, best boy grip, something. Alas, it never even crossed my path.

Preview here.

A short interview with Samuel L. about Snakes On A Plane here.

And a great Snakes On A Plane story here.

I can't wait for this movie!

Come On, Bounce With Me

If you have nothing better to do, The Big Bounce is on HBO this afternoon at 5pm Eastern/2pm Pacific, and then plays all throughout the month on HBO2 and HBO Comedy.

(And this might help: Sara Foster's in it and she's pretty hot.)

Hilary Duff No Longer Hot

Since the Butterscotch Stallion is an equal opportunity philanderer, I like to keep my eye on all the young lasses that I might one day try and bed. With that in mind, in what I believe is an unprecedented event, Hilary Duff has gone from Hot to Not Hot all before her 18th birthday. Incredible. Talk about a fast flameout. At least Lohan waited until, like, 20.

But I digress.

What with her new weird-looking (too big?) veneers and weight loss, Hilary went from No. 1 on every guy's I Can't Wait Till She's Eighteen list to resembling some ghoulish creature that should be perched on the ledge of a fancy building in New York. And while she's not thin thin yet, she's certainly on her way, and certainly thin enough to be not nearly as attractive as before.

Hilary is, sadly, not unique, but rather just the latest in a long list of actresses who think extreme weight loss will make them look better, but in fact makes them look worse. That list includes Sara Michelle Gellar, Selma Blair, Jennifer Aniston, Laura Flynn Boyle, the aforementioned Lindsay Lohan, and potentially the most tragic case, Jennifer Connelly, the one-time bearer of Best Natural Rack in Hollywood. I would include Ally McBeal, but she didn't look good in the first place.

Stallion, out!

Celebrities Do The Darndest Things

So, this past weekend, in a scene straight out of something you would see on an episode of Arrested Development or Curb Your Enthusiasm, Pamela Anderson was presiding over her dog Star's wedding when, out of nowhere, Ali G (in disguise) rode up on an inflated turtle, playing a keytar, and dressed like a member of the Village People and proceeded to tackle her.

See, this is just another reason why I avoid marriage and weddings of any kind, particularly my own. I hope Star at least had enough sense to get a pre-nup.

Tonight on "The Tonight Show"

After your late local news tonight, make sure you have it on NBC as The Stallion will be galloping into your living room by way of "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno" (the lamest, yet most-watched late night talk show...so you have to make an appearance).

It's a repeat from July 1st, so it'll just be me plugging "Wedding Crashers", but, hey, a Stallion repeat is better than no Stallion at all.

Penguins, Penguins, Penguins Everywhere!

Took one of my lady friends (met her at the L.A. Fitness in Westwood--and man does she have one of those great, firm little bubble butts that in-shape women tend to have) to see that penguin movie everyone has been talking, March of the Penguins, and I gotta say that the film was everything people have said it is--cute, funny, and informative as well as beautifully shot. It's simply amazing some of the breathtaking and close-up footage these guys were able to get, in harsh conditions no less. I didn't think the French were capable of such things.

Anyway, it gets my highest recommendation.

This Doesn't Happen When You Ride The Stallion

That title was almost poetic, wasn't it? I mean, "happen" and "Stallion" kinda rhyme.

Anyway, I never bought into Kabbalah like a lot of these other Hollywood-types have (or pretend to have), but the fact that Madonna is not Christopher Reeve numero dos may prove it to be the real deal.

Ponder this, however: If it really worked, wouldn't she have not been injured at all?

Let's just hope the fall knocked the English accent out of her.

This Day in Butterscotch Stallion History

While cruising around the internets today, I saw some disheartening news. Sadly, the only site that sold a t-shirt bearing my likeness, Randy & Moss, has closed their store. I hope my threatening letter didn't have anything to do with it, though I suspect it might.

They say it will be back, though, which is good. It's America, where small businesses can and should succeed.

Well, here I am...

The Butterscotch Stallion roams free!