Flowers and Sausages

If there is one thing that the wonderful show Wife Swap has taught us, it is this...

Life is not all flowers and sausages.

I believe it was Confuscius who said something very similar, but not nearly as profound or culture-spanning.

That is all.

Cat Got Your Tongue?

Um, no. A bug does, actually.



As you may or may not be aware, I like to indulge my scientific side from time to time. Well, right now is one of those times. Ergo...

A gross creature which gobbles up a fish's tongue and then replaces it with its own body has been found in Britain for the first time. The bug, which has the scientific name cymothoa exigua, was discovered inside the mouth of a red snapper bought from a London fishmonger. The 3.5cm creature had grabbed onto the fish's tongue and slowly ate away at it until only a stub was left. It then latched onto the stub and became the fish's "replacement tongue".

This is awesome and gross and amazing all at once. The rest of the story can be found here. And another pic of the bug is seen below. Neat!

Jack Osbourne?

In one of the most shocking turn of events of at least the past year, Jack Osbourne no longer looks like a potato. And all without the help of Celebrity Fat Club or getting his stomach stapled. Honestly, I didn't think it was possible to lose weight in this day and age without one of those methods, so good for Jack.

That's Not Gangsta

Let's recap what we know about one Mr. Hova, Jay-Z:

1) Is ugly
2) Makes good music
3) Is the lucky guy that gets to bang Beyonce

And now we can add to the list...

4) Likes fruity drinks

It's A Boy, Y'all!

Well, the two hilljacks had their baby.

Big whoop, says the Stallion. I'm just gonna keep feeding my scientific side, comparing and contrasting as many women as I possibly can until I find the perfect one (which I have a feeling will never happen...at least, let's hope not--haha!).

Hilary Duff Update

Well, it's worse than I initially thought.



Honestly, I figured the first two pictures (above) were fakes, then I found proof that they weren't (below).




Words cannot express how saddened I am by this, and not just for the superficial "because another hot one bites the dust" reason that I lamented in my earlier post. It's sad to see someone do this to themselves, sad that they feel they need to do this, and sad that they think they look better like this. The pictures speak for themselves, but let me just ad...R.I.P. this Duff.

Sean Penn: Idiot

By now, it's pretty common knowledge that Sean Penn is a humorless asshole (this year's Oscars is a good example). We also know he is a bleeding heart liberal who thinks that his status as an actor means his opinion matters and that he can make a difference. See: His visits to Iraq and et cetera. Anyway, with that in mind, our hero (along with his personal photographer--yeah, that sounds like someone whose only desire is to help) trekked down to New Orleans in order to help save folks. We haven't seen this kind of celebrity do-gooding since Tom Cruise, "Personally, personally helped get thousands of people off of drugs." Unfortunately for the fine people of New Orleans, things didn't go as planned.

What a jackass.

George Bush Doesn't Care About Black People

You tell 'em, Kanye!

Although, I have to say, if you couple Mike Myers' reaction (watch closely and you can actually pinpoint the exact moment where he starts thinking, "Why me?") with Kanye's hurried, nervous delivery, and topped off with Chris Tucker's being forced into some awkward riffing...the entire debacle hit a perfect 10 on the Unintentional Comedy Scale.

The best part was Kanye locking and loading his second shot, deciding, "F' any illusion of subtlety I may have had earlier, I'm gonna spell it out" and screaming, like a non-sequitur in comparison to Michael Myers' scripted comments, "George Bush doesn't care about black people!" I laughed out loud when I saw that.

Update: Buy the t-shirt here.

Snakes On A Plane!

Oh man, this is easily the best title for a movie ever. Just look at young Kenan (of SNL fame) there. Does the look on his face not say it all?

"Snakes on a motherfuckin' plane? Buh?!?"

I wish I was involved with this production in some way--writing, directing, starring, best boy grip, something. Alas, it never even crossed my path.

Preview here.

A short interview with Samuel L. about Snakes On A Plane here.

And a great Snakes On A Plane story here.

I can't wait for this movie!